Happy New Year! How is it 2017?! Where did 2016 go?! For me it past by in a blur of anxiety, exhaustion, tears, laughter, and unconditional love. It was probably one of the toughest but also the best year of my life.
The year ended well after another challenging month. December saw a fantastic and exciting Christmas. My son enjoyed ripping open presents and playing with his new toys on Christmas day, he took pleasure in removing the tree decorations and lights repeatedly, eating his first Christmas dinner with family.
But the month was also difficult at times. My bubba had 1 paramedic call out and 3 trips to A&E for breathing problems that required steroids, nebulisers, inhalers and antibiotics for 3 different chest problems. A poorly boy results in a significant increase in my anxiety. I slept on his bedroom floor for over a week because I was so worried about him and that resulted in further sleep deprivation. He was so unwell. Unfortunately the whole situation was made worse by this all occurring over my birthday period. I had a large party planned; hall, dj, fancy dress, buffet, the whole package, to celebrate turning 30. It cost a fair few pounds and I had family and friends travelling from all over the country and even further afield. It had taken a great deal of planning and my other half had spent weeks making his outfit.
The chest problems and hospital trips started a couple of days prior to the party. On the day of the party, with several friends getting ready and helping with the catering in my little house, my son started to have trouble breathing. My friend and I got him down to our local A&E where they were worried enough about him to sit us right by the nurses station for observation rather than the waiting room as it was busy and they had no beds available. As they set up the first nebuliser, once in a room, I was told by one of the medical team 'I don't think you are going to be going to your party'. My other half came and took over from me to ensure I could go to my own party but I was worrying all evening about them and I was sad that I didn't have my 2 favourite people with me celebrating.
There were positives though, my son was discharged at 3 am that night and is now significantly better but also all the other important people in my life had made massive efforts to celebrate with me, and some of those people had stepped in and helped with the cooking and setting up the hall. True friends who I am incredibly thankful to have in my life.
Anyway, fast forward a couple of weeks to NYE. I got to see the new year in with my other half and gorgeous son plus our amazing next door neighbours. It was a thoroughly enjoyable night. Prior to our fantastic evening though I woke up on New Year's Eve feeling grateful, I reflected on 2016 and yes it had some low moments, many due to Postnatal Depression and all the others contributing to Postnatal Depression but I truly feel so much more positive and I am coping with every thing that life is throwing at me. I think all those low moments have shaped me, made me a stronger person and a better mother. I am grateful for my amazingly supportive family and friends, for my competent GP who got me the help I needed, the health visitors who got my little boy sleeping more, for my understanding work colleagues who were happy with my decision to extend my maternity leave and who are allowing me to take time off for the next 8 weeks to attend a Postnatal Well-Being group. I am also grateful to all my readers who have publicly and privately sent me messages of support and kindness in response to my blog. It took a significant amount of courage for me to publish my 1st post but I am immensely pleased and proud of my myself for doing so, it was one of the greatest steps I have taken in my recovery.
I am heading into 2017 feeling incredibly positive, healthy, thankful and full of love. I have a great feeling about the coming year.
