How has it been a year?!

Last Wednesday night at 9.30pm I was sat in bed by myself, smiling and crying, remembering the events of exactly a year ago to the minute, the birth of my gorgeous son. How do I have a one year old?! Where has that time gone?

I have spent the last month preparing for his birthday, arranging his party,  wrapping presents, baking a suitably smashable cake and organising a trip for his actual birthday. I was actually quite excited about his birthday and my partner voiced that he was too. However the feeling was bittersweet. I no longer had a baby, he is a toddler now and the day before his birthday was my very first day back at work. My son's first birthday was exciting but also filled me with dread and a tinge of sadness.

Despite a cold, my son had a fantastic party, with lots of important people in his life.  I managed to enjoy the party after the initial stress of setting up,  cooking etc. He was a very fortunate little boy, so many amazing presents from generous friends and family.
His actual birthday was a complete success too. We opened all his amazing gifts whilst all relaxing in our pj's and dressing gowns, then we went to a local interactive farm we hadn't visited before, where my son can stroke the animals which he really enjoyed, had a lovely lunch (we ordered a child's meal for the first time) and made the most of the soft play area. My son had taken his first steps 2 days earlier so we utilised the soft landing space. Then once home we did a cake smash and filled up on pizza. It was a perfect family day together.

My partner went out that evening, as organised, once my son was fast asleep. This gave me alone time to reflect on the amazing year that he has supported me to have with my wonderful little boy and to think back on that traumatic birth. It would have been nice to have jointly reflected but it was also nice to be honest in my own head about what I went through and the last year. And although it has not been an easy year, there has definitely been more good than bad, or at least that's how I will remember it and I can honestly say I would do it all again for my favourite little person. Unconditional love.